‘You end up with delayed grief’ – Rúaidhrí Higgins’ regrets after brother’s passing as he reflects on time at Derry City (2024)

Ex-Candystripes boss insists squad became anxious on title run-in after ‘a section of our support turned while it was still in our hands’

Former Derry City boss Rúaidhrí Higgins has revealed he found it very difficult when a section of the club’s support turned on his team during their title charge last season.

Speaking for the first time since departing the hot seat at the Brandywell last month, the 40-year-old opened up on his three-and-a-half seasons in charge at the Candystripes and what led to him leave his post after their FAI Cup final defeat to Drogheda.

Derry went close to overtaking eventual champions Shelbourne in the closing weeks of the season but won just one in six before defeat at St Pat’s on the penultimate night saw them drop out of the title race and miss out on a potential first Premier Division crown since 1997.

Higgins admitted his side played “with a bit of fear and anxiety in the closing stages for different reasons,” but insisted that his team didn’t let him down as it is his job to bring the best out of people.

He felt a section of the support got a bit “toxic” in the final weeks of the 2024 season.

The former Derry boss also opened up on the sudden passing of his brother Kevin in February of last year and feels in hindsight, that he should have taken a four- to six-week break away from football at that stage.

“I thought I was being brave, being strong, thought I was showing leadership, but ultimately you end up with delayed grief,” he said.

“I had a conversation with Philip (O’Doherty, chairman) earlier in the season when I was having a bit of a tough time.

“We were in the middle of a half decent run at that time. I always get through it, I always find a way, but there have been times where it’s been tough,” said Higgins, in an interview with the Derry Now his week.

“What I did find tough was the fact that the league title was still in our hands and a section of our support turned while it was still in our hands.

“That, I found really difficult, I couldn’t understand it. Surely at that point you should be saying ‘Let’s help them turn the tide here’. I just found that strange.

“In saying that, it’s important to reiterate that it was a section of Derry fans, and not everyone. But I think it’s important that everyone learns from that if we are in that situation again.

“Of course, the performances at that time weren’t brilliant and results weren’t brilliant, and it's fine to vent and hammer people when it’s dead and buried, but when it’s still in your own hands, I think it’s important that people learn from that, because it creates anxiety amongst players, and that’s ultimately what it done.

“We still take huge, huge responsibility, of course we do, but winning together and losing together, there’s something to be said for that.

“There was huge pressure going into the cup final. We tried to keep it as low key and calm as possible and prepare as we did two years previously. It looked like there was fear and anxiety in the performance.

“There was definitely an element of anxiety and fear over the last three or four weeks. I felt that it was still in our own hands and it just got a bit toxic towards the end.”

Having lost his brother Kevin last year, Higgins reflected on that period and feels he should have taken a step back from footballing matters at the time.

“I should have taken a month to six weeks completely away from it and turned my phone off. I thought I was being brave, being strong, thought I was showing leadership, but ultimately, you end up with delayed grief, and that’s basically what happened,” he continued.

“It bit me a few times and they were really, really, really tough periods. From my own state of mind, in the last four or five months, I’m in a much better place, but I did have two periods where I found myself in a place which I never, ever experienced before and never want to experience again.

“When I look back now, it’s crazy what I did. I went to Sweden for his funeral service before we brought him home.

“That was on a Thursday and I was in Tallaght (Stadium) on the Friday. I missed the first night of the wake at home, which I shouldn’t have done. That really, really frustrates and annoys me.

“I remember that feeling, going ‘What the f**k am I doing here? I should be at home’. If I could flip it, I definitely wouldn’t have been in Tallaght.”

Asked about his departure from Derry last month, Higgins said O’Doherty was keen for him to stay but that he felt a change was in the best interests of the club, with former Larne boss Tiernan Lynch since becoming their new boss.

“I’m not going to come out straight after the cup final and say 'I want to go',” said Higgins, who took the job in April 2021 and led the Candystripes to a first FAI Cup win since 2012 the year after.

“It’s not the right thing to do. It’s not about me, so I wasn’t going to make things into a big story straight after the cup final.

“Initially, Philip had indicated that he wanted me to stay. He was obviously a big supporter and backer of mine, but we spoke and I told him how I was feeling.

“There’s such a thing as outstaying your welcome. You feel it in your gut and we concluded it by deciding that the best thing for everybody was that I move on.

“I have represented this club for 12 years and this is a much more powerful club when there’s a real connection. A lot of these players have helped out the club back on the top table of Irish football.

“Alright, we haven’t won the league, but we have been in contention a couple of times, we’ve played in Europe, we’ve played in two cup finals and brought 20,000 people to the Aviva twice."

‘You end up with delayed grief’ – Rúaidhrí Higgins’ regrets after brother’s passing as he reflects on time at Derry City (2024)
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